
Sexuality is formed at the age of 9 to 14 years, it is usually determined by one’s father or father figure. In children, who often experience their father to be more physically demonstrative than their mother usually develops physical sexual personalities, while in cases where their mother or mother figure are more physically dominant and attentive than their father emerge to be emotional sexual personalities.
As we have discussed earlier, in many relationships man and women are of opposite sexuality. While comparing the mother of the child as an emotional sexual is less noticeable in her own behaviour and less physical with the child. She be nurturing the child, by feeding the baby or picking up the baby but she is more purposeful in her actions, she responds to the child’s needs.
While in the house of emotional sexual father and physical sexual mother, the development of sexuality is different during child’s formative years. As the father is less noticeable than mother, the child adopts emotional sexuality. Looking at his father’s emotional sexual behaviour the child learns to sit back and waits to be approached. He observes his mother to be an aggressor, while his father doesn’t reach out or expresses his emotions and doesn’t enjoy physical touch or affection. This lays the belief in emotional sexual that “if you want something, wait and it will come to you.”
This is usually how one develops one’s sexuality, however many times, many children can develop sexuality opposite to their father. This could happen what the children perceives the behaviour acted out by their paternal parent. Many other factors like socio-economic background, parent’s relationship with each other and many more may not be congruent with the parents own sexuality.
Understanding the nature of human development, it is very common for us to seek things that we know and understand and resist or feel threatened about things that we don’t. It is mere fear of the unknown. This basic law is a very strong part of our sexual personality. The physical sexual understands and displays his emotions through actions and is unaware as a child, the lack of it. So, as an adult they try recreating the event which involves expressing emotions through physical touch and feel threatened by lack of it. While, emotional sexual are aware and understand lack of outward expression of emotions and feel threatened by acting out the opposite. Thus, sexuality is our defence against that behaviour which we are uncomfortable.
Relationship between extreme opposites could however prove to be disastrous. It is because they have different perspectives and needs which does not satisfy each other. Whenever in conflicts they imagine the needs of their partner as a threat to their natural behaviour and usually defend themselves. This happens because:
i) They demand the partner to adopt the very behaviour which they are suppressing. For example, the physical sexual would demand their emotional partner to be affectionate while the emotional would desire his own space.
ii) We tend to judge others based on ourselves or our experience. Since the extreme sexual personalities have little or lack complete knowledge or experience of their opposite behaviour, they are unable to understand it and are less accepting.
The permanent solution to this behaviour:
i) To educate, understand and accept the opposite behaviour of your partner which shall remove our fears and lower our defences.
ii) Adopting some healthy behaviour of our opposite partner which will help in accommodating our partners needs in the relationship.
iii) Upon understanding one could later make some changes in one’s individual sexual personality to help achieve ideal situation.