Sexuality is formed at the age of 9 to 14 years, it is usually determined by one’s father or father figure. In children, who often experience their father to be more physically demonstrative than their mother usually develops physical sexual personalities, while in cases where their mother or mother figure are more physically dominant and attentive than their father emerge to be emotional sexual personalities.

 In cases, where the child is raised by a single parent, the child often replaces the missing parent with an aunt, uncle. teacher or friend of the family. The child develops his sexuality upon comparing the actions demonstrated by the real and the substitute parent. This helps us in understanding that, sexuality even in case of children separated from their biological parent is determined by the physical affection and touch experienced from the father figure than mother figure. Depending upon which parent offers physical attention, the child develops that personality. For example; if the father offers more physical attention than mother, the child becomes physical sexual and vice versa will make emotional sexual.

Usually, emotional sexual father has emotional sexual children and physical sexual father have physical sexual children. Let us understand how this development takes place. The physical sexual male is very noticeable in his behaviour, he is highly expressive and demonstrative amongst people, touching people while conversing, enjoys demonstrating physical contact with people. As a father, he demonstrates the very same behaviour by holding, touching, hugging and kissing his child. He may play with the baby by tossing it in air or by bouncing the baby on his knee. This activity forms the fundamental basis of developing sexuality, and in this case mostly physical.
 
As we have discussed earlier, in many relationships man and women are of opposite sexuality. While comparing the mother of the child as an emotional sexual is less noticeable in her own behaviour and less physical with the child. She be nurturing the child, by feeding the baby or picking up the baby but she is more purposeful in her actions, she responds to the child’s needs.
 
The physical sexual father usually participates in the growth of the child. He attends child’s school and other extra-curricular activities like sports. The growing child closely observes the patterns of behaviour exhibited by his father and mother. He observes that his physical sexual father approaches physically and pursues his mother’s affection, asks for her verbal and physical reassurance for her love for him. While the mother displays being quiet and bashful, prefer to be pursued than pursue. This is how child learns that to receive his mother’s attention and affection, he must openly pursue her and draw her out to him. Thus, the child in many ways is a competitor to his father to gain his mother’s attention and affection and this is where he develops his method to pursue his own adult relationships.
 Physical sexual father, make learn his child irrespective of their gender, to be comfortable with physical touch and affection, which he acts out in relation to his mother. “If you want something, go get it,” develops child’s physical sexuality.

While in the house of emotional sexual father and physical sexual mother, the development of sexuality is different during child’s formative years. As the father is less noticeable than mother, the child adopts emotional sexuality. Looking at his father’s emotional sexual behaviour the child learns to sit back and waits to be approached. He observes his mother to be an aggressor, while his father doesn’t reach out or expresses his emotions and doesn’t enjoy physical touch or affection. This lays the belief in emotional sexual that “if you want something, wait and it will come to you.”

This is usually how one develops one’s sexuality, however many times, many children can develop sexuality opposite to their father. This could happen what the children perceives the behaviour acted out by their paternal parent. Many other factors like socio-economic background, parent’s relationship with each other and many more may not be congruent with the parents own sexuality.

Understanding the nature of human development, it is very common for us to seek things that we know and understand and resist or feel threatened about things that we don’t. It is mere fear of the unknown. This basic law is a very strong part of our sexual personality. The physical sexual understands and displays his emotions through actions and is unaware as a child, the lack of it. So, as an adult they try recreating the event which involves expressing emotions through physical touch and feel threatened by lack of it. While, emotional sexual are aware and understand lack of outward expression of emotions and feel threatened by acting out the opposite. Thus, sexuality is our defence against that behaviour which we are uncomfortable.

Relationship between extreme opposites could however prove to be disastrous. It is because they have different perspectives and needs which does not satisfy each other. Whenever in conflicts they imagine the needs of their partner as a threat to their natural behaviour and usually defend themselves. This happens because:

 

i)              They demand the partner to adopt the very behaviour which they are suppressing. For example, the physical sexual would demand their emotional partner to be affectionate while the emotional would desire his own space.

ii)            We tend to judge others based on ourselves or our experience. Since the extreme sexual personalities have little or lack complete knowledge or experience of their opposite behaviour, they are unable to understand it and are less accepting.

Hence, sexuality is one’s defence mechanism, where one could become too defensive and very rigid. There are temporary solutions where one could attract a partner of the same or lower sexuality, this could minimize the risk of conflicts but is not a definitive solution. The two emotional in relationship may not communicate with each other or act out their sexual needs because they are waiting for the other to approach, while two physicals shall start competing, where no one would be able to satisfy their need for dominance. It is healthy when physical sexual helps emotional sexual to overcome their introversion and emotional to make physical self-content within themselves.

The permanent solution to this behaviour:
 

i)              To educate, understand and accept the opposite behaviour of your partner which shall remove our fears and lower our defences.

ii)            Adopting some healthy behaviour of our opposite partner which will help in accommodating our partners needs in the relationship.

iii)          Upon understanding one could later make some changes in one’s individual sexual personality to help achieve ideal situation.

It is very rare to find 100% physical or emotional personalities, many of us score somewhere in between the two extremes. Personalities scoring mid-range often depict balanced behaviour, they strike a good balance between the need to be close and maintain their distance. They are better equipped to attract and maintain healthy personal relationships.