Is there an episode in your life’s timeline, which you have kept private, and never shared or discussed it with anyone?

Is keeping that secret a bother to you?

Does holding that lid shut, disrupt your everyday life?

If the answer is yes to all the above questions, then you are definitely burdened with a heavily guarded secret.

Do you feel, that opening the lid on this secret will place you in a vulnerable position?

When out in open, do you feel that this secret will cause you embarrassment and shame?

Could the release of this secret, affect the status of you and your family in society?

If the answer is yes, to all the above questions, then that suppressed incident weighs heavily on your conscience.

Each of us guard personal incidents close to our hearts. Others may have shared your most intimate secret with other people, without your consent. Few may have used your secret against you, to cause harm. Such people are emotional blackmailers. Perhaps, to avoid being shamed, you may have acceded to demands put forth by the blackmailer.

Feelings of helplessness, anxiety, and carrying the burden, that perhaps you could be the cause of misery for someone else, is a horrible feeling to live with. Then, when you are being emotionally blackmailed over it, only worsens things for you.

Maybe you are at fault, and have done very bad things, or, maybe you are the innocent victim, but the very use of your private information, to harm your well-being, is extremely disheartening. Your own conscience is self-aware, that the secret locked deep in your heart is either a good thing, or a bad thing, or able to be misinterpreted by society when observed from a different perspective. Worse still, when you have divulged your secret to a close friend in confidence, only to have them betray you.

“I will tell your mother that you have failed your exam,” or “I will tell your partner that you are having an affair,” or, “I will tell your family that you are doing this job,” or, “I will tell your family you are dating so-and-so,” or, “I will tell your family that you are homosexual,” or any other concealed fact, could be examples of blackmail, using your secret, but perhaps the person making these statements didn’t realize that their action may be ruining someone else’s life. All I can say is that, it’s not your secret to tell. People who ignore this message, fully understanding that they have chosen to exploit others, to feel powerful, and to keep things under their control.

One might argue that by sharing a secret, the teller must be aware that there could be unsavory consequences, but, is the blackmailer aware of the consequences of the retelling of their secret? Perhaps the re-teller just doesn’t care, because it is not their life, or relationship, at stake.

So how do you recognize your blackmailer?
  • They can be your Nemesis, always forcing you to do things as per their wants and needs.
  • When things don’t go their way, they may twist the story, to make you feel responsible for all that happened.
  • They may bemoan how devastating their life has become, and make you wear the crown of blame.

The information and views expressed in the blog are individual and inspired from writer’s experience and study in Mental Health & Hypnotherapy.